we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did i walk over a car last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
