she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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