So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
