Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
