when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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