i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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