this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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