wat bout pragnant strippers??
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
