I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
