I met the friendliest cop last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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