i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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