She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
