This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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