Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
