ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
