I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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