I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
