Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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