my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
