his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
