I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
