your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
