Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
