I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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