haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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