you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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