My Higher Power is John Stamos
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dick very happy bro
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
