Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
