Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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