dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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