2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What drink are we having for lunch?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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