I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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