I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
