hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
