u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
