You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
