I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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