Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
