she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
