Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize