You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
