I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
