i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
