I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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