drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
