You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
