does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
