It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm jealous of your bromance
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
