We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm passing your future prison.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
