Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
