Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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