I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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