The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nutella sex= disaster
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
