I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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