R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
