A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
