Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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