Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
