Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
