a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
