Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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