Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
