Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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