I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
