I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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