Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
