do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
