What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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