It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
