Will you blow on my dice?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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