She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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